I was right 

It’s been a whole year since I first got to know him. Only a year.

At the same time, I can’t believe that it’s been a year. I remember the day so clearly (well parts of it), but I remember exactly how I felt. I remember waiting after work for my friend to meet me for our Christmas drinks/dinner night and he came out after me, he was going to his friends flat and asked me what I was waiting for and when I told him, he told me to have a good night. 

I got butterflies. It’s so silly but every conversation we had at that point, however pointless or insignificant meant everything to me. I wanted to go with him – to his friends flat. I remember wanting my night to be spent with him more than with my friend, which was crazy. 

Then he texted me whilst I was eating dinner to check that my friend had actually shown up and I hadn’t been stood up. That was the first text he sent me, and I got butterflies again. There was a part of me that knew he was thinking about me, and even if it wasn’t in the same way that I was thinking about him, I was on his mind for sure, and that meant everything. 

Once I got a few drinks down me I was brave enough to add him on snapchat, and sent him various pictures of my drinks, me and my friend posing and definitely a few selfies. I was flirting with him. It was beyond crazy, I wanted him. I wanted him to tell me he would meet me after, or to ask me out for a Christmas drink, or to tell me he wanted to spend some time with me. The things that were running through my head were in no way that of a sane person, I had fallen for him so hard, but I knew he wasn’t there. Not yet anyway. 

At the time none of it made sense. I couldn’t understand how this stranger was having such an impact on my thoughts, my feelings, my life. He gave me butterflies every single time we spoke and I wanted to be around him as much as possible. I wanted to know more about him and his life. He intrigued me in a way that nobody else ever has. I remember the next day (because by now we’d built up a sort of constant texting friendship thing) I messaged him and said ‘tell me something about yourself’. That was hands down the most direct I’ve ever been with someone that I hardly knew. I think I baffled him too because he kept asking what I wanted to know. But the truth was, I wanted to know everything. I wanted to bond with him, I could’ve talked to him all night if he’d let me. I had fallen for him, completely and utterly and it left me so dumbfounded that I couldn’t help but pursue it. I knew that he had been brought into my life for a reason that I just didn’t know yet and I let my heart rule my head. Every logical thought completely evaporated and I allowed myself to act like a lovesick teenager, and I loved it.

I loved the feeling of wanting someone so bad without explaination. I loved that it was all so confusing in my head and most likely non existent in his, I loved it all because it felt like fate. It felt like a movie. I was drawn to this man like a magnet for no reason whatsoever and the thought of him and us consumed me. Life right then for me was terrible, but he (without even realising it) gave me something to focus on and a reason to fight. I stopped being so afraid of my future because I knew that I wanted it to be with him, and he was the best person I’d ever met. I knew that a life with him would a be a life worth living ten times over. 

And I was right. I was so, so right. 

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