tsunami

I have the headache to end all headaches. 

I hate feeling so crappy. I hate feeling like something’s wrong when it shouldn’t be, or should it? 

Something has changed. It weird because I know said that about 10 posts ago, but back then I didn’t really know what change was. Now I do. I can feel it and I know that nothing is the same right now as it was before. I feel different and I wish more than anything that I didn’t. My minds gone into overdrive and I’m drained from my own thoughts. I can’t even form a sentence properly because I’m so preoccupied with everything that’s swimming around in my head that’s slowly turning into a tsunami.

I need to cry, I just need a long shower and a cry and maybe then I’ll feel half decent. I don’t even know what I’ll be crying about, or maybe I do. I don’t know, everything’s a bit confusing right now. 

Life suddenly got crappy and there’s a massive part of me that just wasn’t ready for it. About 6 months ago I was on edge and always ready for disaster to strike. I always thought it was just on the horizon, waiting to attack me when I was least expecting it, so I was always expecting it, and in a strange way, it made me feel safe. But then nothing did go wrong, and I started to let go and to enjoy the fact that nothing was wrong, and I genuinely started to love life. 

But now, I wish I had been expecting this, I wish I’d seen it coming and I wish that I’d been more prepared, because it’s hit me hard. Really, really hard. 

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