This last year has been an absolute whirlwind.
Timehop reminds me every day of just how miserable I was a year ago. I look at the pictures I shared or the posts I tweeted and there’s a memory behind every single one – mostly bad. Pretty much every day was a blur last December, I was in a really dark place.
It’s strange though, just how happy I was able to seem and how nothing really hinted at the fact I was struggling, or that I was heartbroken, devasted, drained of emotion. I still seemed happy, I still looked happy, but looking back I know that I was only sharing what I wanted people to see and portraying the girl I wanted people to believe I was, which was, and still is the saddest part of it all.
I wanted to seem as though I had my shit together when I really didn’t and I wanted more than anything for things to magically fall into place, but I never in a million years thought that they would. I kept thinking about how 2016 was going to be for me and all I saw was a catastrophic mess. I envisioned myself crying day in day out and I deep down believed that it was going to be the worst year of my entire life. Everything that I had going for me felt irrelevant because I was so wrapped up in this bubble of believing that my relationship was the be all and end all of everything. That I wouldn’t survive out of it, or more importantly, that I wouldn’t want to.
So flash forward 12 whole months and I’m a brand new me. The last year has brought me more highs than any other year that I’ve lived, and I’ve found a love that I never thought existed, and even now I still have to pinch myself because it all just seems so surreal.
But more than anything, this last year has taught me that nothing is predictable. It doesn’t matter just how determined you are to make something work or to see something through to the end. It doesn’t matter who’s in your life and who’s out of it and it definitely doesn’t matter how comfortable you are or even how happy you are. Life takes no prisoners. Things will happen whether you want them to or not, people will leave whether you want them to or not and believe it or not, the things that you’re certain that you want to happen won’t always be the things that you’ll want a year down the line.
And so this, has left me wondering at 1am. Where on earth will I be this time next year?