Rambling

He can be so cold. 

I mean, I get it. I’m a cold person too – at times. But his always feels so unexpected, and I’m never prepared.

It’s a pretty big jump to make I guess. One minute everything is so loving and happy and you feel as though you’re the luckiest person alive. And then from nowhere you feel shut out and alone. It’s not all the time, but when it happens, it’s shit. 

I’m so angry and frustrated right now. I can’t sleep after arguments, and if I do it’s always a disturbed sleep of tossing and turning and checking my phone every 15 minutes. So I get even more frustrated that he just finds it so easy to sleep, to shut me out even further. As if theres nothing him tonight that wants to fight, to sort it, and that feels even worse. 

So here I am, sat in the spare room, venting all of my anger and frustration into this blog and I feel like I could cry. It was such a lovely night, we hardly ever argue and this has just ruined a such perfect evening. All of our arguments are stupid, petty arguments that we’ll forget about and laugh about within a few hours. But it’s the right now that feels horrible, the part where you’re so annoyed that you just want to curl up and cry, and the party where you wish you could just rewind things 30 minutes and change the outcome. How you sit and think that only an hour ago you were cuddling and laughing and now you’re in separate rooms and how you couldn’t have predicted it. 

Since he moved position at work he’s been a lot happier, much much happier and that’s made me happier so we’re all winners. But every now and then it’s as bough he bottles all of that tension and let’s it build until it’s been days and days and then he gets annoyed at me over something that I feel is not as a big deal as he’s making it out to be. 

I know I’m bias, and right now I’m just sad so I’m rambling but I just hope this passes.