absolutely blank

I’ve been in bed for most of the day and I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s wrong. 

I don’t really feel with it today, in fact I feel a bit detached from myself, like I’m watching from the outside.

I’ve wasted my day off completely, by trawling websites for Black Friday deals that I don’t need and hoping that I’ll come across  Christmas present inspiration, but even when I have I haven’t actually ordered anything. I’m literally just filling time and hoping that eventually I’ll become so engrossed in something that I won’t notice how slowly it’s passing and how uneventful my day has been.

I don’t know if I’m bored or just feeling majorly sorry for myself (probs the latter), but I’m in such a daze that even typing is taking up a ridiculous amount of energy that I should have stacked up seeing as I haven’t moved all day. I want to do something, but I can’t be bothered to get up and get dressed, and I want to see people but I can’t be bothered to make conversation. I’m just living a massive juxtaposition right now and it’s shit. 

Maybe I’m getting bored of life because nothing seems challenging anymore. A year ago I was juggling a million and one different pressures and everything was difficult, but I was always busy and that kept me stimulated. Now everything is so easy and I don’t think I can deal with easy for very long, my mind needs to be challenged or (so it seems) it just switches off completely and I’m sat here all day absolutely blank. 

Any normal person would love this free time, but not me, not now anyway. 

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