Today I feel alive.
I feel more alive than I have done for a long, long time.
It’s weird that throughout the day I start thinking about what I would type when I’m sat here later on. There’s moments where I wish I could freeze time and write exactly what I’m thinking because it’s all worded so beautifully in my head and I feel like it would describe how I’m feeling perfectly.
But instead I type it all way later when the feelings are all jumbled up and I’m trying to remember how I felt earlier on and its just way harder to write in retrospect. I know one thing though, something that’s still with me, even now. Earlier I looked at him and I felt so unbelievably in love.
I am always in love with him, that never changes. But every now and then there will be this intense rush or a burst and it completely overwhelming and even now it still takes me by surprise. I remember when we first got together and I never used to be able to look at him in the eyes for too long with getting a butterfly feeling and the urge to kiss him, I was so crazy in love and it drove me wild, he drove me wild.
He still does drive me wild, but in between the mundane routine of work and sleep and eating together and just life in general, its a lot harder to have time solely for us, and even when we do, it usually consists of talking about work, and dinner and life in general and the wedding. Especially the wedding.
But today, on this momentous occasion, we were alone, and it was beautiful. It was the best morning I’ve had in such a long time and it gave me the chance to really look at him and appreciate every inch of him. I looked into his eyes and I was just overcome with happiness, because he looks at me the way that every girl only dreams being looked at, he looks at me as though he couldn’t love me any more if he tried, and I felt it.
There’s a quote from Wuthering Heights that goes ‘He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same’ and I don’t think I could describe us better if I tried. He makes life so much better, every day so much more exciting and the future seem brighter than it ever has before. My life before was in black and white but he has filled it with the most exquisite colours and every day is better than the last.
Today, I feel like me again.
Today I am not defined by the past, instead I am enjoying the present and excited by the future, and if thats not a good day, then I don’t know what is.