20/11/16

I’ve tried to write this post twice, and I’ve deleted it – twice. 

Today I think I’m just conflicted. Nothing really makes sense in my head and I don’t understand why I’m crying. I don’t understand why it’s still affecting me so badly and I don’t understand why we did it. 

Today is just full of regret. Today I thought about it all day, about what stage I would be at, what I’d be craving and how much bigger I’d be. Today I have done it again and completely tortured my brain with thoughts of what ifs and it feels terrible. 

Life, since that day has felt like one big circle and I can’t seem to break it. If my blog posts were depicted in the shape of a rollercoaster it would most definitely be the Big Dipper, or maybe Nemisis. One day I’m happy and blogging away without a care in the world, I even glanced back at my old posts the other day and silently celebrated how far I’d come. But today I am back at square one. I am sad and I am remoursful and I am just completely drained with emotion. 

Today is a bad day. 

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