I feel like I could cry writing this. 

Life just doesn’t seem to be going the way that I thought it would right now. It’s November, Christmas is just over a month away yet I don’t feel Christmassy whatsoever, in fact the whole idea of it is bringing me down.

I usually love Christmas and start shopping from like mid September, but this year, I just wish it was still three or four months away. I don’t want to celebrate or shop or listen to Christmas songs anymore. I just don’t feel very festive.

I’m just so fed up with myself in general and I wish that there was a way to magically pull me out of this crappy situation but I know that’s it’s me and only me who can make myself feel better. I just don’t want to see anyone or make plans or attend the plans I’ve already made, I just want to stay in and do nothing all of the time which is ridiculously unhealthy. It’s not even like I don’t have people around me who are trying to make me feel better because I do, everyone is really trying and I’m just being a pain and refusing to let them help because I don’t want it. I want to feel better on my own, I don’t want to be anyone else’s burden or problem, I just want to wake up and be okay all of the time

Today I don’t even know why I feel down, I just do. I’m just on the verge of tears and I know if someone says the wrong thing I’ll crack. 

I’ve tried going over everything in my head, whether it’s the baby, or work, or something else completely and I literally have no idea. I just need to cry, and I really don’t want to. 


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