1/11/16

Today I feel as though my heart could burst with love. 

Every inch of my body is drawn to him, and it’s the first day in a long time where I’ve felt completely happy, all day long. 

I would never and could never have got through this if it wasn’t for him and as shitty as this has all been, we are so much stronger because of it. It’s as though all of my fears have disappeared and I can finally see this for what it is again. I don’t just feel happy, I feel like me. And not just the me before the termination, or the pregnancy. But the me from the very start of our relationship, when all I could see was him, and money worries and work and time weren’t an issue. We just wanted each other, and that’s exactly how I feel today. Every time I look at him I get butterflies and every time I kiss him I don’t want to stop, I just want to hold him all night and let him know how I feel about him, and just how full my heart is with love towards him and everything that he is. 

He is the man that I always imagined a life with. A man who treated me with respect and love without a second thought. Someone who would take care of me and take me to dinner and kiss my head and make all of my worries go away. But I never had that, in fact I’ve never had that, in any relationship. I’ve always been the stronger one, the fighter, the carer, the supporter and the lover and in return all I got cancelled plans and screaming matches. 

I’ve never felt loved the way that he loves me and I never until 9 months ago thought it was possible. I thought it was something that every girl imagined, something that Disney had made us believe could be a reality. But in reality love takes work and arguments and broken trust and rebuilt trust and nasty words and that was all part and parcel of a relationship. If you really wanted something to work you had to take the bad with the good and accept it for what it was. But then I met him and my whole world was revolutionised. There are not enough words to describe him as a man, as a partner or as a father because anything I do say will feel way too inadequate. But I know that I would do anything to make him happy, and loving him is the easiest thing that I have ever done, and there is no doubt in my mind that I will love him forever. 

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