Hello.

Hey all (or one, or nobody!)

I’ve decided to keep a very informal blog, with very small diary entries which I only started a few weeks ago.

I found out on the 7th of October this month that my fiancé and I are expecting a baby and since then our whole life has been turned upside down.

To give you a little context, I am only 22 years old, and finished studying at university this year – graduating in July with a 2:1 and I currently have a 4 year old daughter with my previous partner but will be marrying my current partner next year.

We knew after just three weeks together that we wanted to get married and I know we may seem crazy. But I am a firm believer in fate, and in all honesty – I just know. I knew from the moment I met him that he was the one for me, and I have tried many times to explain this instant rush of love to a fair amount of sceptical people (family included) and so, have decided that sometimes it’s just easier to say nothing.

I’ve wanted to write about him, and us and our life for a while now, because what I feel and what he makes me feel is something that I want to share, because I never in a million years thought it was possible to feel so happy and content with life.

So imagine my confusion when the first time I actually feel like writing, is when the worst thing in the world is happening to us. I just have this urge to write as an outlet, as a way of getting everything I’m feeling out in the open and hopefully, even temporarily out of my mind. Finding out we were having a baby wasn’t a disaster but the timing was and now we’ve been left in the worst possible predictment and are facing one of the biggest decisions of our lives.

I think I’m writing this mostly, because I want to know that there is someone out there who has felt the same. Who understands the ache I feel in the morning when I think about the day getting closer. Who knows what it feels like to have to choose something you thought you never would, to save not only yourself, but your baby from living a life you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. But most importantly, to know what it feels like to constantly wonder ‘what if?’

 

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